Some of it is winter. Winter is always my worst season; the asthma doesn't do well in the cold, and as I get older my fingers and toes are cold and the skin gets too dry. The allergies have always been worse in winter too. And this particular winter there is all the stuff that goes with Covid-19.
I miss going to stores to look at stuff and shop for people, hearing the ubiquitous (and sometimes annoying) holiday music and seeing people--strangers even--and planning the trip to hang out with family (even though they are sometimes annoying). I still don't have some of the small-business gift buys--a group of things ordered in late November and dropped off at the USPS just one state over on December 2 _still_ isn't here. I had thought to drive into Chicago to drop boxes of gifts off on my sisters' porches (and either not see them at all, or see them only briefly outside from a distance and with masks) but there's no point with the gifts not yet even in my hands.
Some of it is that the house is still all disarrayed, as My Angel and I work on our walls and windows and stuff. It's not so simple as just putting things away, we're replastering and painting spots that desperately need it, and even if I had lots of money to throw at all that (and I don't, which is another depressing issue), with Covid-19 out there I am not willing to bring in people to do the work, so it is all on us. So instead of merely taking the stuff that was moved so the kitchen and dining room could be redone and putting it away, we are rotating stuff around pretty constantly, and in addition to the work on the walls, cleaning and sorting stuff, which is an additional challenge on the allergies, especially now that the windows have to be closed.
So I guess there's plenty of sufficient reasons for me to be feeling tired and overwhelmed and anxious and all the rest of it. But that doesn't really help. I thought finding some musical holiday specials might help, but the best I could find was sappy Christmas movies, all about the same level of mediocre. No, the best I could find was the holiday baking shows, which all come (inherently) with visions of allergens (stupid food allergies) but still, it's good cheer and pretty art and cool seasonal food that won't make me sick if only because I won't get to actually eat it. I don't even have to actually smell it, so I can imagine it was made with Deirdre-safe ingredients.
And I guess a little happy imagining is a good thing. This entry was originally posted at https://wyld-dandelyon.dreamwidth.org/456844.html. Be welcome to comment wherever you prefer, but be warned that LJ has not, under the new management, been sending me notifications of comments. I will check LJ periodically, but life being what it is, commenting on DW will likely get you a faster response.